Musings about my daughters -

It really amazes me how different my daughters are. Coming from the same parents, same experiences growing up, same environment, but they are very different people. My oldest (20) is a hippie, bohemian, drama queen, comedienne, risk-taker, explorer, artist, outspoken, full of surprises. My youngest (18) is puritanical, dependable, practical, down to earth, stick in the mud, loyal, honest, OCD, regulated, narrow minded, introverted (until she knows you), fairly predictable. But they also have a lot in common - both love music, have great wits, intelligent, independent, articulate, social, compassionate, generous, responsible. You know they are sisters to look at them, but when you really get to know them, you are surprised they come from the same home. It spins my head around trying to relate to them because I have to change tracks every time - I can tell Shelby something one way & then have to rethink it in a completely different way for Carly. Same news but two completely different takes on it. So confusing but so much fun! They do keep me on my toes & I wouldn't trade them for anything. So looking forward to seeing them as young women & in community. Will be awesome & crazy & wonderful & surprising -

Throwing punches -

For some reason I am sitting here tonight just throwing punches & laughing! I feel like the next big breakthrough is on its way & I am excited, eager, nervous but ready to fight it out! I am just giddy with the thought & wanting to just dance around the room - I think I will! I am almost euphoric for some reason - don't know why - maybe my spirit in anticipation of what the Goddess is working in me next -

This summer is going to be very interesting for me. I have the distinct impression - thanks to my daily tarot that I have been drawing - that all my closet doors are going to swung wide open & I am going to be out & proud.

I have been planning on taking my girls & 2 of their friends to the beach in FL for a week this summer, but now we are going down for a family reunion! With the side of the family that was being derogatory about my new path when they saw it on my Facebook - that's why I kicked them all off. The ones that ratted me out to my Dad before I was ready to tell him. I am going to have my tattoo & be very open about my spirituality. We are going to be on Anna Maria Island & I think just about everyone is going to be there. Should be loads of fun! I have a feeling I may let them all have a piece of my mind before the week is over because they tend to be very pushy & bitchy & derogatory - but I can now - I can be myself & not be concerned about what they think about me - I'm actually looking forward to the trip! One house - me. my dad, possibly 5 girls - and the rest of the family next door! What could be more fun?

A Good Place

I am in a good place. Life is good - things are ok - there is calm & acceptance. It's not perfect, but it's good. I am content with right now. I know there is a lot of work to be done & a lot of walls to knock down but that's ok. Right now I'm good. In this present moment all is right in my world. I have learned some important things about myself lately that are stirring up an excitement in me - for me. I know there is good stuff to come - I don't have to be afraid of what I might find behind my walls. It's good stuff - it's wonderful treasure - it's full of light & life. No more hiding from myself - no more worrying about what could be in me that is so bad - no more turning away from who I am. It's good stuff! I'm good stuff! And I keep finding better stuff (I'm starting to sound like a Snapple commercial!) - excitement is building - desire is building - eagerness is building. More steps out of the closet & these aren't baby steps - these are giant steps!

Comfortable Living

I have had several people tell me recently that I seem to happier these days. I have been thinking about that & realize that I am happier. I am feeling more comfortable in my spirituality & sexuality which contributes to my happiness. I am feeling very content in my job & home life. I am feeling better health wise & have plans to feel even better. I am learning who my friends are & am making efforts to get out & do this year. I am enjoying myself without worrying about others -

The main thing I realize is that I am content! I am finally beginning to know who I really am and I like it. I am no longer living my life according to everyone else's expectations - I am living it for me. I made decisions that are based solely on my needs & desires. Not that I am forgetting my responsibilities, but I am not putting myself last any more.

I know that it is going to be difficult again. There will be stressors - there have been. But I am able to handle them better -  let them run their course & get them dealt with easier. They aren't affecting me as much as they used to.

I feel that the main reason for this is finally getting comfortable in my spirituality. Getting past the craziness of the change and the initial reactions of family - getting into a daily pattern of living - learning more & more on how to walk my chosen path - being more open with everyone around me about it -  and I think that openness is becoming more apparent in other areas of my life. I am no longer walking around guarded & aloof.

Walls are falling - I actually feel them coming down - see them in my dreams crumbling to the ground - and I know that I am coming out from behind them with my sword raised high in victory! It is soon going to be time to celebrate the real Jo  -

 

Lots of Misc.

This is an accumulation of several days. So much going on that I haven't been able to take the time to sit down & narrate it all - so here goes -

Saturday was a wonderful day. I spent the a large part of the day in a Beginning Appalachian Hoodoo workshop with a terrific teacher - Byron Ballard. It was so much fun & so full of information. I sorta figured out I might have an innate ability at this - or at least a very creative mind! I can't wait to learn more & try new ways of putting things together to create an intent. Looking forward to finding that hillbilly deep within me! 

After I finished the workshop, I went and got my first tattoo! Was sorta dreading it but was also very ready for it. And I am so glad I did it. I followed through on something - didn't chicken out - didn't 'fake' it - didn't wave it off. I did it! And I am very proud of myself & very pleased with the end result. And I am already planning the next one!  

Then Sunday, I went to temple for devotions. It was wonderful. Susie brought a devotional about Brigit & it was great. I loved the community feeling & fellowship that was there. Am looking forward to attending more. The new & larger space that Mother Grove now occupies is really nice. So much less cramped. 

Then Angela & I went to Charlotte for a product launch party for mom bloggers. It was loads of fun! Angela & I had a great time on the drive just getting to know each other better.  We discovered that we think a lot a like - not sure that's a good thing but it was fun. The product we saw was a new, natural snack food by Apure Foods, a division of Hershey's. It is all natural & made with a cocoa powder base. I was very skeptical, 'cause healthy food usually tastes pretty blah, but this stuff was really good. It is called Eat. Think. Smile and is carried at Lowe's Foods right now but will be in other markets soon. The combination of cocoa powder & fruits & natural grains is really tasty. I had a hard time putting the samples down. It was nice to find something out there that will satisfy the chocolate craving & make me feel less guilty for eating it. 

Anyway, I will try to do better with my blogging. I really want to make this a daily thing - a journal of my thoughts, events & feelings. I am seeing the need to write stuff down before I forget it - if just for me to remember that I did it or felt it or was touched by it later. 

TTFN - on the flip side -