My mom transitioned from this earth to Summerlands about 4 weeks ago. I survived the Christian services quite well, and have been dealing with her passing with grace, thanks to the Goddess. Since her passing I have realized that many walls that I had kept up to please her have fallen by the wayside. Many mind sets have crumbled now that I don't have to worry about her approval of me. It has been a freeing event in my life & I wasn't expecting that at all. Mom's passing has also helped decide to get a stronger foundation in my beliefs and to cement my path. I still have a bit of emotional fog and know that I still have things that will come up that will have to be dealt with, but I also have found a new strength to get on with life.
Then this past weekend, I received a call from my estranged husband (at least on my side) notifying me that his dad had passed early that morning. More emotions to deal with, but fortunately not on the same scale as my mom's passing. But Sunday I had to go down to Greenville & accompany my MIL to the funeral home to make the final arrangements. I also had to identify the body for cremation purposes. Stressful is a mild word to describe that afternoon. My husband couldn't do it because he had a side job to do and didn't want to put it off cause it would inconvenience the property owner. I said that the owner would understand the situation but no, I had to take his place. Fortunately no service, only cremation & then burial at sea by the Navy. But I was drawing heavily on my reserves.
And of course, in the middle of all this, I am moving. Found a great little house on about an acre, with a pond, for less than we are paying in rent now. We are going to be completely in by the 30th. So looking forward to the new place - cleaner, better, cheaper - and ducks on the pond! Totally awesome!
Anyway, major stressers hitting all it once it seems - but silver linings have appeared & continue to show up, so it's not all bad. I was able to reconnect with one of my best friends from Second Church at Mom's funeral & found out that we have a lot more in common now then we did then! She is getting her 3rd degree in a pagan tradition - which blew my mind; she is transgender (without the operation) & married to a great woman who is also a 3rd degree pagan. I am so thrilled to have this opportunity to reconnect with someone that can help guide me in many changing areas of my life.
Anyway, I am going to try & be more consistent with this - just so I can get a chance to see how I change now that Mom has passed & I am not having to hide behind all those proper walls anymore - walls that I really never realized were there. So who knows where this will end up -
Thanks for reading -
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Saturday, October 2, 2010
We've come a long way but -
Today my daughter Carly & I were eating at the local Waffle House. It was packed and I was enjoying the people watching.
After we came in, three older adults, two women & one man, all white, came in and sat at the counter. Shortly after, two older black men came in & sat in a booth. They offered their booth to a larger family who came in after them and moved to the counter.
While waiting on my order, I could hear the voices of these older folks talking. The two older black men & the older white man struck up a conversation & it continued the whole time I was there. Every so often one of the women would join in. There were moments of humor & also moments of seriousness, but you could tell they were enjoying this exchange of words.
As I listened to the cadence of their voices I was jolted out of my reverie by a sudden realization of just how far our country has come. About 50 years ago I would not have been able to witness this easy going conversation between strangers in a restaurant, as blacks & whites could not sit together. The black men would have gotten arrested for speaking to the white women. Fists would probably have been flying as the white man defended their honor. Yet today, there was an easy going acceptance of the rightness of this. As far as I could tell, no one else in the restaurant even gave it a second thought.
The participants in this conversation were old enough to remember the days before integration, yet they fell into easy camaraderie with each other as if this was the way it had always been. And to our children it has always been this way, with some small pockets of racism, especially in the deep South, but those are usually ignored these days. I talked about it with my daughter as we were leaving and she said one of the things she hates about NC is the racism - that kids her age act as if blacks are dangerous; get nervous when they see them in large groups or talk down about them. So we still have a ways to go before everyone is accepted as 'human' only, without distinctions due to race or gender or sexual preference. But it was nice to see just how far we have come, at least in the race issue, and gave me a faint hope that one day we will have obliterated every line that divides us as long as there are people that continue to teach the children that differences do not make us enemies, but give us strength to move forward together.
PS - And yes, I am very proud of my kids on this issue. I have tried very hard to raise them color blind, gender neutral & accepting of all, while their dad was exhibiting his prejudices at every turn. And they have exceeded my expectations at every opportunity.
After we came in, three older adults, two women & one man, all white, came in and sat at the counter. Shortly after, two older black men came in & sat in a booth. They offered their booth to a larger family who came in after them and moved to the counter.
While waiting on my order, I could hear the voices of these older folks talking. The two older black men & the older white man struck up a conversation & it continued the whole time I was there. Every so often one of the women would join in. There were moments of humor & also moments of seriousness, but you could tell they were enjoying this exchange of words.
As I listened to the cadence of their voices I was jolted out of my reverie by a sudden realization of just how far our country has come. About 50 years ago I would not have been able to witness this easy going conversation between strangers in a restaurant, as blacks & whites could not sit together. The black men would have gotten arrested for speaking to the white women. Fists would probably have been flying as the white man defended their honor. Yet today, there was an easy going acceptance of the rightness of this. As far as I could tell, no one else in the restaurant even gave it a second thought.
The participants in this conversation were old enough to remember the days before integration, yet they fell into easy camaraderie with each other as if this was the way it had always been. And to our children it has always been this way, with some small pockets of racism, especially in the deep South, but those are usually ignored these days. I talked about it with my daughter as we were leaving and she said one of the things she hates about NC is the racism - that kids her age act as if blacks are dangerous; get nervous when they see them in large groups or talk down about them. So we still have a ways to go before everyone is accepted as 'human' only, without distinctions due to race or gender or sexual preference. But it was nice to see just how far we have come, at least in the race issue, and gave me a faint hope that one day we will have obliterated every line that divides us as long as there are people that continue to teach the children that differences do not make us enemies, but give us strength to move forward together.
PS - And yes, I am very proud of my kids on this issue. I have tried very hard to raise them color blind, gender neutral & accepting of all, while their dad was exhibiting his prejudices at every turn. And they have exceeded my expectations at every opportunity.
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