Daughters!

Ok, here comes the first of more than likely many about my oldest. She is driving me nuts! She is almost 19, out of high school, working at a local restaurant, and sowing many wild oats. We have had discussions - arguments - fights - actually screaming fits about her lack of willingness to help out around the house and her being out all night. She doesn't really pick up after herself, remembers to change the litter box only when you can't walk in the house due to the smell, can't seem to see a piece of trash on the floor to save her life, etc. Then she sleeps until about an hour before work, comes home from work and watches TV, then about 8 pm decides to go back out and not come home until 3,4,5 - just to go to bed and do it all over again. I have set curfews, which she proceeds to ignore. Set boundaries, which are run slam over within minutes. Taken away privileges and possessions. She doesn't make any bones about the fact that she is drinking a good bit on most of these nights out, or that she smokes some pot at times. Last night was the final straw for me. I let her spend Monday night over a friend's, where she proceeded to get plastered - she complained about the major hangover Tuesday. Then Tuesday night she was going to a friend's b'day party in Asheville - I told her to be home by 12 pm - her curfew. She was like ok, though she didn't want to. Well, upshot of this about 11:00 pm she started texting me to let her stay out later. Asked if she could do what she wanted if she paid rent? Said no, she still lives under my roof, therefore she follows my rules. (She already pays so much towards her phone and car insurance). She said no one could bring her home since I wouldn't let her drive her car to Asheville. I said tough - she knew the deal when she left. She wasn't home by midnight. I cannot deal with the utter lack of obedience and respect so I am going to issue the ultimatum - 30 days to straighten out or she has to move out, without the car and phone - or she has to go in the military, where she can keep the phone. Hubby, who lives in another state, keeps saying to wait and work more with her. I have been working with her for almost two years and have spent the last couple of months trying to deal with this - there is nothing left in me to deal anymore. And my main problem is I can't stand to see her waste her life like this - she is smart, talented, funny, pretty - and she is just wasting it. It's not necessarily the not doing anything around the house, it is her lack of self respect and discipline that she exhibits by these behaviors - that upsets me more than anything.

Am I being too harsh? I don't know, but I am done. I don't have the emotional strength to keep fighting the battles. She will have to do it without me watching. I will always be there for her and will help what I can, but I can't sit by and watch her waste her life.